Fourteen years ago, I was a seventh grader at Samuel Morse Middle School for the Gifted & Talented. My cousin had her first baby, a little boy she named Izaiah. I wore fat pants, chokers, listened to Limp Bizkit, Incubus, and Linkin Park. I was a pop-punk emo kid. The morning of September 11th, 2001, I remember my aunt screaming and crying as she got ready for work in her bedroom nearby. I didn't quite understand what was going on. I recall her mentioning something about airplanes hitting buildings in New York and how we needed to call my grandma. I am now aware where my grandma lives in relation to the towers. At the time, though, I had no clue. Whenever the subject of my paternal grandmother living in New York came up with peers, I always decided which sounded more badass- Bronx or Brooklyn? Well, my grandma lives in Manhattan, in East Harlem. I know that now, but New York was too complicated for my thirteen year old brain, having not visited for five years. There was no time to call that morning (I doubt it would have gone through anyway) so we decided to call when I got home from school. I walked to the bus stop, and thought things would be normal.
I don't recall any other class than my algebra class. Advanced math nerd that I was, me and a few other smarty pants seventh graders were taught with eighth graders the wonders of algebra. There would be no algebra that day, though, much to my not-homework-doing delight. Instead, we sat and listened to our teacher's clock radio as the news was somberly played for forty-five minutes.
"I heard it was the Ay-rabs!"
"I heard it was the Puerto Ricans!"
"Shut up! Puerto Rico is a US Territory, idiot!"
So many stupid things shouted by thirteen and twelve year olds not really sure what was happening. My brother was at the high school I'd be attending in two years. He told me that the teacher who ended up becoming my English teacher senior year ran into his Spanish class screaming,"We're all going to die!" Now that I know her, I can see it clearly in my mind. My best friend's sister was in her Italian class where they turned on the TV to watch the horror unfold, rather than studying vocabulary or whatever was on the agenda for the day. I remember moving through the rest of the day as though I were floating. I don't remember anything else about school that day. I was there, but my mind kept turning to the things I was hearing. What was going on in the world outside this building?
When I got home, 24 hours news monster was already spewing images that haunt me to this day. It took some time for my brain to comprehend that the things falling from the burning buildings were people jumping. I cried and wailed uncontrollably. I stuffed a pillow in my mouth so no one else could hear something was wrong, but everyone else was upstairs with the baby. I was alone to deal with these images. For weeks, it was all I could see in my mind when I closed my eyes. I couldn't understand why. Why did this happen? Why did those people have to die? Why did they jump? Was taking matters into their own hands better than waiting for whatever fate had in store for them?
That day always plays in my head when the anniversary comes around. We were able to get ahold of my grandma the next morning. I talked to her briefly before school, said,"Bendición," and "I love you," as if those words were enough to alleviate this strangeness we all felt. We were able to reconnect with someone we loved, but what about the thousands who never can? And the lives of innocents who didn't ask to be in a war zone? What about those whose voices we'll never hear again? What about them?
fourteen years ago
film vs digital: an exhausting debate
It's crazy to believe that such a debate still exists in the 21st century. Film and digital have their aesthetic and technical merits, but they still remain a heated topic amongst photographers and photo-enthusiasts alike.
It appears as though recently, there has definitely been a spike in film usage. That is not to say that there are not those that utilize the medium well, but there are those out there that use film in order to diminish any digital processing to achieve similar effects. The way that film captures color can be replicated digitally, but is easily accomplished shooting film. With auto white balance sensors, and even manually setting white balance, can be hit or miss when shooting digitally. As long as the photo is shot at the correct exposure, the colors will come out cleaner on film than digitally.
In developing film, one can appreciate having total control over the end product. The time and effort that goes into processing a roll of film, enlarging the negatives, and fixing any issues manually can give one the sense of being completely part of the end product. However, these days, it's not as simple to process one's own film outside of a school lab or creating an in home lab, which can be expensive. At a time when most people carry their cameras on their phones, film has become rare, therefore more expensive. Wet labs have shut down due to less demand, resulting in most without access to a school or home lab to send out our film. That can be quite terrifying, to put these images you have no way of getting back, into the Postal Service's hands and hoping for the best. But no matter, because if things work out well and your rolls get developed, one can still feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing that each shot was well thought out, well composed so as not to waste a single frame.
One major convenience of digital photography is the ability to shoot as much as a memory card can hold without worrying about having to pay for each frame. Rather than having to wait to examine the shots after processing and creating a contact sheet, you get instant results with digital photography. If a shot is not what you wanted when you examine it moments after depressing the shutter, you get a redo. You don't have to attempt to reshoot everything another day, or salvage a decent image from the roll(s) you have. Digital can get expensive in terms of gear, but so can film equipment due to its rarity. In post-shoot editing, one has the ability at their fingertips to render an image similar to film in color and grain, or they can create their own aesthetic in editing. The possibilities can be endless for digital photography.
Now, many debate whether one is better than the other. I don't think there is really a definitive answer, at least not for me. For some, film is more "authentic" than digital. That's not necessarily true. As an art form, photography can be executed utilizing different types of cameras so long as the artist's message is easily conveyed. I don't think it's a matter of one being better than the other, but rather which benefits the user most. So, are you a film fanatic or digital darling?